Someone asked me if it’s possible to have a monogamous, long term relationship with someone in a D/s context. While I’m no expert on either relationships or bdsm in general, the answer is an obvious yes. She said, she was told by a Dom, that it’s impossible, because you can’t be Dom /sub one moment and a normal couple the next. That’s completely false, I know this for certain because this is the very thing I experience all the time in my relationship.

We are not a 24 /7 D/s couple by any means. In fact, while its an important part of our relationship, it’s a small part. We are building a life together and not just trying to live a lifestyle with one another. We often engage in very normal and vanilla couple activities with no need to express our D/s personalities. That’s because we are much more complex and complete individuals than just being regulated to operating in such a narrow frame of how we should behave within this kinky lifestyle. With that being said I’m always her Dom and she is always my sub. The reason I get to be in charge is because she allows that to be and wants it the same as I do.

If all you want is a strict D/s relationship and nothing more than to exist and play in that context with each other, there is nothing wrong with that if that is what both parties want. But don’t be disingenuous with someone and claim that’s the only way a true D /s relationship can be.

The majority of people in this lifestyle, have rich, vast and complicated lives and they are much more than just the label on their respective fetlife profile.

With any relationship, it’s all about the two or more people involved and what they want out of it. In our relationship, we want a deep love, honesty, trust, commitment, emotional support, understanding, acceptance and passion. We also want a strong and present D/s structure, that we can play in mentally and physically to express our natural and beautiful Dominant and submissive qualities that are part of who and what we are. It doesn’t define us as individuals or as a couple, rather it enhances both and creates a safe place to explore our deepest and most primal needs for sexual exploration.

If you want something that satisfies you sexually, go after that, if you want something that satisfies you mentally and emotionally, go after that, but don’t ever think they can’t be one and the same. A D/ s relationship is extremely rewarding and fun, a D /s relationship that is monogamous and filled with love is all that too, but it’s truly fucking amazing on top of everything else, it’s the best of both worlds where you get to live a life together, not just a lifestyle.