I get that feeling when I dominate you. When I’m in control of you it’s me who’s behind the wheel and you’re in the passenger seat, or maybe more aptly put, you’re in the trunk.
That must be a different feeling, being the one behind the wheel and the one along for the ride? Do you trust me? Trust is a strange thing to quantify. Sometimes you just know. You let go and don’t even know why. Maybe you’ve biased yourself. Maybe you want it so much in this moment you will trust anyone whether they deserve it or not. But none of that matters because above all else you need to lose yourself. You need to let go and be nothing.
Even now, you read these words and feel your mind shutting off, your breathing slow, you eyes grow tired. You have just enough energy to keep them open – to keep reading – keep allowing me to get inside your head. I will take control with precision and care. The construction of each sentence you read is designed to get you to drop your guard. They are designed to make you feel comfortable.
Maybe this is the first of my writings you’ve read. Maybe you’ve read all of them. I know you’re tired of every guy trying to fuck you. I know it gets so boring all those messages in your in box. And you have to ask yourself is this one different?
Does he actually care about what’s inside my head? And the answer is no. I don’t. Because I don’t know you yet. But I could. If you open yourself up to me, I could see everything. I can see all the parts of you that hurt and break, all the parts that have healed over and become strong. I could know exactly how to touch you in that exact moment you need to be touched. I could learn all of this, not because I’m smarter and stronger than everyone else, but because I’m weaker. All my parts have broken over so many times I can spot them in you.
It’s scary to be vulnerable. It’s like veering off a cliff. Maybe you want that feeling, too. Or maybe you just want to stay inside the lines where its safe, where you can never be hurt again. But, if you give me the steering wheel, if you let me drive, I will decide where it’s safe to go. Give me that control. Give me that power, and we may crash, but at least we will have crashed together.