My dominance is always goal-directed. There is a purpose to everything that I do in life, whether big or small, whether sexual or not, whether directly related to a D/s relationship or just part of daily life. I dislike randomness or chaos, or drama. I’m very logical and reasoned with my choices. Because being purposeful and dominant is simply my nature, when I dominate a woman in a D/s context, it’s always purposeful and goal-directed. Whether she’s a friend, someone I mentor, or a relationship partner, I believe it is my responsibility to be dominant in healthy, useful ways to be the best woman and submissive that she can be.
Most importantly, a dominant must consider the individual submissive in his care. What does this person need? What does this person want? What will best achieve those goals? What will make her a better submissive woman, a partner in her career, etc.? I always say that selfishness really has no place in dominance. Dominance is a responsibility to care for the submissive who has entrusted you with control over them. It’s not a license to abuse, although it is a license to use! 😉
It is not for me to define a woman’s feelings regarding her own submission. From a dominant’s perspective, ANY act that you do is being submissive in a D/s relationship. Whether that is cooking dinner, cleaning, sucking my cock, bending over for a spanking, or indeed suffering for me … it’s all her being submissive to me by giving over control, by obeying, and by giving herself willingly. It is not “more” submissive to be forced; it is not “less” submissive to want to serve. You may be defining your own intensity of emotion in a particular moment rather than the act itself. In other words, you may “feel” more submissive in those difficult moments of sacrifice, but you are no less submissive when doing an activity that you also enjoy. If I require it, demand it, need it, want it, or take it from you – when you do it, you’re submissive, regardless of whether you want to do it or not.
Discipline is also a separate concept from corporal punishment. Discipline can be physical, verbal, emotional, and action, a limitation … I personally believe in corporal punishment because nothing quite brings the focus of sharp pain to deter conduct and because I’m sadistic. That may not work for everyone or in every situation, so a wise dominant will shape the discipline/punishment to fit the crime as well as the submissive.
Consensual non-consent is a relationship dynamic that a submissive and dominant share as the ideal necessary for their needs to be fulfilled. In that sense, while trust is certainly necessary, it has been my experience that submissives who truly believe that consensual non-consent is the appropriate ideal for them are usually ready to agree to that dynamic in conjunction with their initial choice to submit to a particular dominant. In other words, CNC is not a separate choice. It’s inherent in the option to advance. As the dominant partner, I expect and demand, so I tend to attract women willing to submit to that degree at an early stage of the relationship.
Naturally, intelligent people understand that all aspects of human relationships are on a continuum. Common sense dictates that a dominant will introduce individual acts at an appropriate pace and appropriate time. CNC doesn’t necessarily equate to: I’m going to do everything possible to you on the first date. CNC is an attitude, an understanding of a certain depth of submission and intensity of dominance.
Consensual non-consent is, in my opinion, simply the natural structure inherent in a D/s relationship. The submissive must submit completely. The moment she refuses to comply, the dynamic is destroyed. Thus, CNC is not optional. It’s a required mindset to be submissive to Me in a D/s relationship. I believe submission is offered once, at the beginning of the relationship, and then the Dominant is entirely in control. Once she chooses to submit, her body and choices are now Mine. She no longer may refuse, whether that is sex, an order, discipline, or any other act.
CNC should not be entered into quickly, lightly, or ignorantly. Naturally, THIS dynamic requires trust, compatibility, honest, open communication, mature understandings of each other’s personality, character, integrity, caring, unselfishness, a total commitment of mind and body, common sense, and a desire to make the submissive her best (not to harm her).
Confusing sexual submission with a 24/7 TPE dynamic tends to lead to these confusing dialogues about “who holds power” in a D/s relationship. During sex, the Dom can completely control the sub. In real life, no one can physically completely control another human being all day long. As a Dom who only seeks out a compatibly intelligent submissive, I fully expect her to be an otherwise independent, intelligent, successful, hard-working, and respected woman. I don’t seek a robot or a mere sex toy (although I use her like one at times). I seek a submissive relationship partner. I control her in the context of our relationship. I do not dictate the minutia of daily life.
However, depending on her needs, possibly bend a 24/7 TPE style dynamic, the submissive should feel controlled at all times because she is. This means that she knows who she is ruled by, who she serves, who she is responsible to, and who will discipline her if she fails. She craves that structure, that love, that service, and that discipline. A woman can feel and be completely owned by a man and still be free to succeed in her job, make everyday daily life decisions, and even be placed in charge of the day-to-day management of certain aspects of their relationship (like finances or raising children, etc.). It is similar to an employer/employee relationship, where you are given the rules and expectations but then set free to actually do the job well – with the understanding that you are ultimately responsible to and thus “controlled” by the Boss who makes the final decisions and is responsible for the overall outcome.
The main point here is;
To me, a strong sub/slave is one that will stand by her DOM against all others. She/he is not a weak doormat that succumbs to the will of all others. They learn about BDSM and themselves; they learn by seeking the truth about this lifestyle in general, not being lazy and stupid by asking for a dominant to teach them in their profile. Nothing comes easy that is worth anything. Knowledge is POWER, and all need this type of power in the lifestyle to keep them safe. They need to know the difference between a fake and a real dominant. Once they chose to serve a dominant, dominant teaches them, Guides them, and helps them overcome obstacles in their path. The more the sub/slave knows, the better for the dominant and the sub/slave. A strong sub/slave that submits themselves to a Dominant is a treasure to the dominant, One to be cherished forever. A strong sub/slave can stand on their own two feet, But, Kneel to their Master and submits to their Dom. However, to NO ONE ELSE. They may listen to others give opinions and ideas, But, always speaks to her Dom for clarification. They seek websites for information, They or a BDSM and go to the seminars, insights, and other programs to build on this knowledge; the more experience they have, the better they serve their dominant. KNOWLEDGE is power; the more one knows, the safer they will be. The stronger they will be, The more worthy they will be to the dominant. Doormats are okay for the players and fakes to use and play with at times. However, the healthy sub/slave Will have a relationship that outlasts all others.
I seek to help any and all that want help or asks for it in sincerity…
I play no games with people; I do not seek not to chastise anyone for their beliefs.