Do you like to be obedient between the sheets? Do you dream of following orders during sex while being spanked? Then the role of submissive in a BDSM game may be for you.

Do you want to be a sub?

Do you dream of being tied up so you can’t resist your partner’s fierce and lusty temperament? It can be very exciting to become aware of your needs and fantasies. At the same time, it can also be very confusing. Because why do you want to obey someone so badly, if that can even lead to physical pain?

Introducing BDSM

Do you want to get to know BDSM? Then you have probably come across the terms dominant (dom) and submissive (sub). You are already convinced that the role of dominant is not for you, but the role of sub intrigues you. You know that a sub is submissive to his or her stupid, but the role of submissive is much more complex than he initially seems. Before you start on BDSM and your role as a sub, you need to know what the role means at all. For example, did you know that there are relationships in which a submissive is always submissive to the dominant? This is of course an extreme example, but it is important to be well informed.

What is submission?

Sub is short for submissive. Other words used for this submissive role are submissive, masochist and slave. Submissive is the designation for a submissive person in a (sexual) relationship. A sub voluntarily chooses to be submissive to a cathedral. A dominant expects the sub to obey and to accept his will. A submissive is more compliant than the dominant and also has more confidence in the other. This is also necessary to relinquish control.

The submissive behavior

BDSM is a two-person game in which one of the two is predominant and the other submits to the other. But how exactly should that submissive behave? How a sub behaves is largely a matter of the ‘education’ of the dominant. For example, the dominant determines where a sub stands or sits, how much he or she speaks, and whether the submissive walks next to or behind the dominant. The dom learns the sub ways and tells how to behave when they are out together in public, such as at a party or meeting at someone’s home.

Borders are borders

A sub does not always have to follow the will of the dominant. He or she can use a stop word if his or her limits are (going to be) exceeded. The role of sub is always voluntary and can always be stopped immediately. The sub must therefore have sufficient confidence in the dominant that it will actually stop if the stop word is used. The submissive actually determines how the game works.

If a sub wants to be a good submissive, he or she must discover what the dominant likes. The sub itself should also have a good feeling about it. The submissive must always be willing to match the ideal image that the dominant has in mind. There is no perfect submissive. A sub can be found good by his or her stupidity, but can be labeled a bad submissive by another dominant because they simply do not match. A good sub only exists in combination with a good dominant.

Not every submissive is submissive in all areas. Some submissive must perform actions to give the cathedral sexual pleasure, others are more trained in pain. There are also subs that are good in service and enjoy humiliation, but not pain at all.

The BDSM game

An erotic power relationship consists of so-called play moments. This is done at agreed times and according to predetermined rules that the dominant and submissive have agreed together. But a relationship can also exist 24 hours a day, in which the submissive is always submissive to the dominant person.

Playing is another word for ‘doing BDSM’, or another word used for a BDSM game is a session. A BDSM game costs a lot of energy, so a first attempt often takes no longer than ten to fifteen minutes. The game will be different in every BDSM relationship. For example, activities such as spanking, bondage, hitting and role playing can take place. “Play with yourself, but don’t cum” and “blow me” can be commands from the dominant. Letting the sub perform derogatory sexual acts or not imposing sex for a week are examples of punishments that the dominant can give to the sub. Tools such as sex toys and bondage can be used during the BDSM game.

How is a sub punished?

If a sub does not obey or performs an action incorrectly, the cathedral may punish it. That punishment can really be anything. From compulsory oral sex at the cathedral to getting spanked with a whip. But being punished doesn’t always have to be the erotic spanking that many subs fantasize about when they think of punishment. Some dominants instruct the sub to sit naked and wide-legged while the dominant talks at length about the annoying things he or she will do with the sub. The dominant can also corner the sub and ignore him or her. Being ignored creates a sense of humiliation in some subs. A punishment does not always have to be related to an erotic punishment, just as BDSM is not always sexual.

A game always ends with aftercare

A BDSM game always ends with proper aftercare. Both the dominant and the submissive have had an emotional experience and after the game they both have to relax. There is also time for hugs and possibly taking care of wounds. In addition, it is wise to always evaluate the game afterwards, so that the dom and the sub know what was and was not liked.