Discussing Cuckoldry

The primary question I receive from men is how to discuss cuckoldry with their mates once the subject is broached. Many couples think that they can jump into active cuckolding with little to no recourse by establishing a few rules.

Unfortunately, this is not always the case. When exploring cuckoldry, you open your world and your relationship to a myriad of possibilities. They might not be what you expect. Moving from fantasy to reality requires a bit of forethought and a lot of transparently honest communication.

These are some questions I recommend reviewing before you have your or their first sexual encounter. I cover these and more in private conversation, but this is enough to start the conversation.

Basic Questions to Ask When Discussing Cuckoldry

  1. What do you hope to add to your relationship by exploring cuckoldry together?
  2. How will you handle the angst?
  3. How will you handle the emotional bond that occurs with a lover and a cuckoldress?
  4. Will romance be a part of your active cuckolding with the lover?
  5. What rituals do you have in place for bonding before and after you take a lover?
  6. Will the experience be temporary to test the waters?
    1. If so, how will you decide when it ends (e.g., a set date, a specific reaction, a one-time thing)?
  7. How will you move forward if you discover cuckoldry is not something you enjoy?
    1. Will either of you be disappointed if that’s the case?
    2. How will you handle that disappointment?
    3. If you find you enjoy it, how often will you actively involve a third-party?

Questions Regarding the Third Person

  1. What type of lover do you want?
    1. Do you prefer Bulls, Hedonists or some other variety?
    2. What criteria must a man meet to be considered a potential lover?
    3. Would a dominant, submissive or switch personality complement your relationship best?
  2. How will the third person fit into your lives?
    1. Are you looking for a series of one-night stands or something more consistent?
    2. If you are expecting something more consistent, does it include a live-in arrangement?
    3. What would the living arrangement be?
    4. If you have children, how will he be introduced, if at all, to the family (e.g., a family friend, a coworker, etc.)?

Health Questions

  1. How will you handle protection (e.g., condoms, birth control, etc.)?
    1. Who will be responsible for providing it?
    2. Will there be fluid bonding with the lover?
    3. Who decides when, with whom, and under what circumstances this will happen?
  2. Will you get full spectrum STD/STI tests before?
  3. Have you considered how you will handle an unplanned pregnancy, which is a very real risk even for the most cautious couples?
  4. Who will start these conversations with the potential lover?

Logistics Questions

  1. What will you say to anyone who shows concern for your marriage, if someone sees you and the potential or current lover in a public setting?
  2. Where will active cuckolding take place?
    1. If outside the home, who will assume financial responsibility for the dates?
    2. If inside the home, what criteria or security measures must be met?
    3. Do you have a contingency plan if something goes wrong?
  3. What precautions must you take to prevent your increased sexual activity from impacting your careers?
  4. How will nights out affect your children and what reason will you give them for your absence if any?

These are important questions to which you must have the answers before deciding what rules you will use to govern your exploration or looking for your first encounter. Even after you answer these questions, be open to other questions that will arise as you explore. Continue discussing cuckoldry and your expectations as you explore.