In a D/s relationship, if you are invested enough in someone to take the time and energy to discipline them, it’s not because you hate them, its because you care about them enough to make sure they understand the consequences of their actions and that following rules is important. When a D-type is apathetic and doesn’t hold their s-type responsible for their actions, it says you not only don’t care about the dynamic, but you really don’t care about them or their progress as your s-type.
Discipline lets them know that they matter, that you are paying attention. As much as they need your affection and affirmations, they also need your strength and determination to correct them when they’ve done wrong. Discipline isn’t a negative, it’s an essential, positive element of a D/s relationship in my opinion.
How will they know how to serve you if you don’t show them the way you want be served by setting out rules and making sure that they are followed.
So, I’ve been wanting to talk to an intelligent, rational Dominant about this for a long time & you’re the first one I’ve felt comfortable coming to about this because I believe you will be completely honest with me. I’ve been married to my Dom/Sir/Daddy for 20+ years & until about 6 months ago, the last 7 years I was free from all discipline/punishment due to a sudden onset of severe migraines. I’ve been under the care of a neurologist & undergone various treatments & studies & loss of work (which led to a lawsuit, which only made things worse – won that case, btw). The whole ordeal was horrendous & really took a toll on our relationship, sex life & the whole family. FINALLY, a new treatment came out that has worked to keep them mostly under control, the lawsuit has concluded & I’m now in a less stressful job. As a result, my depression has lifted, the pain in my head has relieved & I have become my old self again.
Now, after 7 years of pain, depression & hopelessness, feeling “normal” is akin to feeling freedom for the first time & I kind of went a little crazy. Daddy had to kind of reel me back in. He saw what was going on & was truly happy for me. And he’s such a good Daddy. He was about as patient & gentle as any Dom/Daddy could be, considering the situation, & tried to give me a little time to gather the Sub/Little Girl back together, but mostly to get the Brat back in line. The problem I’ve having is that, I don’t really have any control over the Brat & I REALLY hate spankings. And I’m REALLY manipulative. I’m ALWAYS trying to get out of them & get mad when I can’t talk my way out of one. Of course, Daddy knows me REALLY REALLY well & calls me out, even when I’m not even aware I’m trying to manipulate him. I’ve tried throwing tantrums (terrible idea), I’ve tried “topping from the bottom” (that’s when he calls me out), I’ve tried reverse psychology (he knows me too well), & (before you say it) yes, I’ve tried just accepting & submitting to it. But it seems like for every one time I submit, there will two times the Brat emerges to make it worse! What do I do??? I don’t like spankings!!!!! But I can’t seem to be able to negotiate my way out of them!!! I’ve promised I’ll take any other punishment if only he wouldn’t make me bend over & expose my bottom anymore! It’s so….humiliating!!!!