Pain as pleasure. No, most vanilla people don’t want to entertain that thought- it’s weird, to enjoy something that hurts, they say, or at the very least, disturbing. Some people don’t understand the need to inflict pain on someone in a sexual setting and some submissives say that any impact play has to be pleasurable for them or the Dom is a Sadist; And yet most research seems to show that pain and pleasure are not diametric opposites, but rather, exist on a continuum. A Harvard medical school study found that pleasure and pain are recorded in the same brain structures, and that the mental circuits associated with pleasure appear to react more quickly to hurtful stimuli than do sensory areas of the brain traditionally associated with pain. When we are hurt, the brain produces endorphins, those natural opiates, to compensate for the pain, and when sexually aroused, your pain tolerance levels raise dramatically. Some people- those into physical BDSM- can enjoy “painful” sensations during sex. Others might not, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with either.

I never want to harm or injure my submissive; who is the love of my life, but I do want to hurt her if it’s consensual and she derives some type of pleasure, physically or mentally from it. Even if it’s in the context of her being punished for a transgression as long as she has willfully given me the power over her, to administer a punishment when I see fit, because she needs to relinquish that power and be both punished and cared for in such an intense manner. We are always equals, because we couldn’t exist in this dynamic without the other one allowing the dynamic to exist by their role in it.