Written for all men who wish their wives/partners would have more sex with them, and for all women who want the men in their lives knew how to please them.
Frustration…it is a bitch…it can be good, good, or bad. The idea is to make the sexual frustration great for her so that when the time comes, she is so wild for you, the sex is mind-blowing for both of you. This can happen every time if you know what to do and how to approach her the right way.
There are THREE KEYS to mind-blowing sex.
1.) Knowing Your Partner’s Needs
2.) Planning: Take Your Time
3.) Tease Her: Make Her Wild
No matter how tempted you are, and I know you are, DON’T skips down to number three. Take a few minutes and learn something other women will never tell you, but ALL of them wish you knew.
1.) KNOW YOUR PARTNERS NEEDS:
You MUST know what she likes and does not like, not just sexually, but emotionally as well. If she is frustrated emotionally, you are not gonna get anywhere with her. Meet her emotional needs first. If she is not feeling loved, or appreciated, if you have troubles in your relationship, then take the time to fix it. THEN focus on sexual needs. (Usually, lousy sex is what creates the core of relationship problems.)
Not every woman is the same, and not every woman will reach orgasm the same way. Some never will because their partner is too impatient, or her EMOTIONAL needs are not being met. If you are too embarrassed or impatient to ask why she is not enjoying it (if she is not climaxing, she is not enjoying it), she will be very reluctant to have sex with you. If your wife/partner consistently refuses your advances, makes excuses, rolls her eyes, snorts, laughs, and will not give you any…The source of the problem. WHY? An emotionally and sexually satisfied woman will not refuse her man’s sex, at least for long. She will hunger for it, like a cat in heat.
If you cannot answer these questions, do not be so quick to call her frigid. When a man really knows what his woman wants, and takes the time to give it to her, she will almost NEVER refuse his intimacy. She will not WANT to refuse you. In fact, once you master the three keys, she may be the one begging you for sex. THE QUESTIONS:
i. What are her sexual fantasies?
ii. What gets her in the mood?
iii. What turns her off?
iv. Is she stressed, depressed, or angry?
v. Is she feeling loved by you?
vi. Is she feeling desirable to you?
vii. How does she like to be touched?
viii. How does she hate to be touched?
ix. How does she like to touch herself?
x. How does she WISH you would touch her?
xi. What makes her feel more relaxed?
xii. What makes her feel uncomfortable?
xiii. What makes her hot for YOU?
xiv. What makes her hesitant to start sex?
xv. What makes her hesitant to tell you to want she likes?
Ask her these questions first:
xvi. What kind of relationship do we have now?
xvii. What kind of relationship do you want?
xviii. What would it take to move her relationship to a “10” today, next week, next month?
xix. What can I do for you today to make your day better? Ask every day. At first, she may say “nothing” If she does, do something spontaneous anyway, like pick her a flower, fold the laundry, rub her feet, let her pick the movie, brush her hair for her, put the kids to bed for her, run an errand, make breakfast in bed, give her an extra-long kiss goodbye. A wink, dedicate a song to her, clean the kitchen for her, write her a love letter, rub her shoulders, plan a picnic, send flowers to her work, just because, …there are a million little things a woman would love for you to do for her, nonsexual things you can do…pick one and just do it without being asked.
xx. Find out her Love Languages (Read the Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman) Even if SHE does not know them, you will be able to recognize them. Make sure you are filling her tank with the right gas… (you will have to read the book)
If you do not know the answers to these questions, it is the main reason you do not have the sex life you want. It is your job to find out. She WANTS you to know the answers to these questions and probably doesn’t know how to bring it up without risking you shutting her down, because women know most men HATE talking about the relationship. It is because most men do not know HOW. Men dare to be different and talk about your relationship and how to improve your sex life. Use the questions as a guide.
She might think you have lost your mind because such a thing is so foreign to you, and it is the LAST thing she ever thought you would say. Feel free to print this out and show it to her, I do not mind.
Pick a time when the two of you are not busy and NOT trying to be romantic. Shock her speechless and tell her you are going to dedicate the next (however many days), making the relationship better, not just sexually. Make sure to take this seriously, be open, be honest, and make sure she knows all YOUR answers to these questions too. You will get a MUCH better sexual response from her once you address her emotional needs.
THE HEART OF A WOMAN
At her core, women are just more emotional than men. Learn to deal with it. She CAN’T change that because we are designed that way. For a woman to feel most fulfilled, romantic, and loved, she must have three basic emotional desires of her heart met:
1. Every woman wants to be romanced—and not just when you are trying to seduce her into bed. She all has a desire to have a great relationship, and we recognize one when we see one. She acknowledges a bad one too. She knows when we are really, absolutely loved, and when we are not. If you are not really in love with her, she understands it, trusts me.
2. Every woman wants to have a beauty to unveil. She wants to know you find us enticing, attractive, lovely, radiant, sexy. There is a reason little girl likes to twirl around in princess dresses, and like hearing, she is beautiful. Face it, you want to be the prince who comes to beauty’s rescue.
3. Every woman wants to know she is irreplaceable to you. Just how every man wants a battle to fight, and a grand adventure to go on, the lady in your life wants to know that she has a place in that adventure, by your side. She wants to know that you need her (even if you do not think you do.) FYI, you need her too.
This first step is vital to a great sexual relationship with any woman. If you skip it, you will be doomed to, at worst, very little bad sex; to, at best, mediocre sex, for the rest of your life. Ok, now for the good stuff you have been waiting for.
2.) PLANNING: TAKE YOUR TIME
This is important because women are like crockpots, men are like microwaves. It just takes us longer to heat up. Or, if you like, women are like diesel engines…once we get revved up, we can go for miles (hours). You are a mechanic. Some women like to be taken by surprise and ravished, but most of us need a lot more time to REALLY get into it. A woman’s sexuality is like a plant. It needs to be tended to, taken care of, watered regularly. Being that you are the one with the hose, you are the gardener. It is up to you to water her plant, or it will wilt and die. (I am talking foreplay here boys, not just intercourse.)
When a woman’s emotional needs are being met, and she feels loved and secure in the relationship, she will bloom sexually as well. (i.e., you have more, hotter sex). This is where asking all those questions pays off. Some women never really bloom because the man in her life is too selfish to meet her needs—and has no freaking clue what he is missing!
Pay attention to her answers, and do your best to provide her with what she says she needs. Even if you don’t get it all right at first, she will appreciate the effort you put into being romantic, and the more comfortable she will become sharing her sexual side with you.
For a woman, a fantastic night of great sex begins that morning. A woman requires several dozen nonsexual touches a day. She likes to be touched but not always sexually. Holding hands, hugging, a caress can be enough to make us feel the first twinges of desire for you. If you are not the one doing ALL the touching, she is likely to find someone who will. Here is an example:
Take the time to romance her all day. Set the alarm at least an hour earlier if you can and just spend time kissing. Tell her what it is that attracts you to her, all the reasons you love her. Tell her how much you are looking forward to the night. Bring her breakfast in bed. Take a shower together…tease her a bit, but do not finish…no matter how much you both want to. The goal is to build-up to the nighttime action. Take the time to kiss her at the door…until you cannot wait to come home at night, and she cannot wait to have you home.
During breaks and on lunch, call her or text her…say something sexy that will make you both wish you were home right then. Arrange for her to get flowers sent to the house before you get home, or leave love notes where she will find them after you go for work…in her car, in her purse, on the bathroom mirror, in the desk. Whatever.
When you get home, unplug the phone, answering machine, disconnect the doorbell, cart the kids off to a sitter, or grandmas, or send them to a friend’s house for a sleepover, get dressed up, and take her out to dinner, it doesn’t have to be expensive. Or make a meal at home. Cooking together can be very erotic…especially if it is done naked. (Don’t cook with hot grease if you go naked.) Feed each other…really talk to each other, not about kids, school, work, bills, health problems, the respective parents…nothing that will kill the mood. Be romantic, be silly, be seductive. Take your time and enjoy the meal.
Later, take turns giving each other a massage…with warm, not hot, oils (even olive oil) tease each other…caress…discover every inch of her skin, find her nonobvious erroneous zones, (collarbone, neck, ears, inner arm, feet, back of knees, her butt, her back, her sides)… it’s different for every woman, and she may not even know all of them. Help her discover all of them. Make her bloom. Patience is the key here.
No matter how impatient you feel, take a deep breath…do multiplication tables, count to 20, whatever works, and keep going. Focusing on her pleasure will pay off for you in the end when she calls you the best lover she is ever had, no matter what size you are. (It really does not matter to most women, mainly if you are focusing on foreplay. If your insecure about it, do not be. Trust me…if you tease her enough, she will not be thinking about that, and neither should you.)
Caress her, kiss her, lick her…everywhere but her breasts and her clit. This teasing will drive her nuts. You may have to keep her hands off you. Be prepared to tie her (use soft materials, use a square knot.) down so she cannot hurry things up. Do not stop teasing her until she is begging. This process could take hours if you are that patient.
3.) MAKE HER WILD: Ok, now that you have sufficiently romanced, wined, dined, tickled, teased, and tormented her, turn up the heat on her crockpot. Focus on her breasts for at least an hour…see if you can make her climax just by teasing them. Most women can if they are aroused enough. Make it your goal of the night to see how many orgasms she can have. Do not be afraid to take directions, and let her know you WANT her to tell you what she likes. No matter how tempted you are, do not speed things up…keep teasing and her…go slow, no matter what she says.
Find her clit, or let her show put your hand there, tease her with your mouth, lips, tongue, fingers, feathers, toys…be very gentle, and ask her to direct you…don’t be shy…the better she feels, the better she will make you feel later. Do not use your teeth unless she asks you to. (Imagine how it would feel if she bit down on you) It does not feel good for us either. Make her cum a minimum of 3-5 times before you continue. At some point, she will become overly sensitive…back off a little and let her cool down some. Continued stimulation would be like her biting down on your balls right as your trying to come. It hurts, and not it an effective way. A multi-orgasmic woman can have several climaxes one right after the other…you knows your successful if she is moaning loudly, begging, calling your name, screaming, thrashing, biting, hissing, swearing, clawing, pulling your hair, begging you to stop but holding you to her, bucking, tossing her head, whimpering, crying, trembling, rolls her eyes in the back of her head and gets as stiff as a board, squirts, grunts, groans, claws the sheets, and finally, screams at the top of her lungs.
Only then do you finally enter her? Even then, do not just pound away at her, find a rhythm. She will be a wildcat…because you took the time to please her the way she always imagined someone would.
Not every encounter has to be as detailed as this one, or as planned out, but the same amount of effort should be there, no matter how creative you get. Any man that takes the time to make a woman experience the best sex of her life will never again be wishing he had more sex. She will never want to deny you sex, but you must be willing to wait to get her to that point. Once she has, she will bloom sexually, and pursue sex with you several times a week, if not every day, twice a day, and you will have moved well beyond mediocre sex. You will not be the one begging for sex anymore, and she will begin seducing you, so long as you make sure to tell her what you like. You will never have to worry about her finding another man, so long as you keep in tune (you’re the mechanic, remember?) with her emotional and sexual needs, and once she blooms sexually and becomes a tiger in bed, you won’t want to find woman either.
PS… Every woman WANTS to be a tiger for the blackman she loves…he just must help her to bloom first.